well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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