She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
