Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
