It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
