we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
