I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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