Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
