It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
