Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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