so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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