Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
