How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
