you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
