I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
