i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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