I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
