Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
