We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
