So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
