My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
