my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
