The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
