I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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