EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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