Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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