puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
