Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
