he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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