I faked an abortion last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
