Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
