We won't sleep together?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
