You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were trust falling into bushes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
