Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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