areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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