I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
