you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
