tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
