then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
