i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
