hotel room ftw
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
