I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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