I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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