Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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