My sheets look like a crime scene.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
