U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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