I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
