She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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