I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
