I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
