i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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