So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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