Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
