my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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